it's not easy being me

There is this one song playing in my head at the moment - Five for Fighting's Superman. The lyrics to the song very accurately describe who I am.

Allow me to fast forward to my university days.

I have a good friend from Form 6 by the name of Tina (although much longer). Tina and I eventually made it to the same university.

One evening, I sought her help to register some courses online. I went to her place one late evening and I remember she came out quite excited saying that she has something to share and it will serve as a good advice to me.

Now, Tina, knows me really well - my characters and attitude - so, most of the time I will give her that "one-kind" look. So I went to her room and she had me sat down in front of the computer and played me "Superman".

The following lyrics resonated with me so much that it has somewhat became my theme song in life - a representation of what I am and feel, deep inside.

Superman (It's Not Easy)
Words and Music: John Ondrasik

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
Bout a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd but don't be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed but won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream?
And it's not easy to be me

Up up and away away from me
Well it's all right
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me, inside of me, yeah
Inside of me, inside of me

I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
I'm only a man looking for a dream
I'm only a man in a funny red sheet
And it's not easy,

It's not easy to be me

I remember sitting down there after the song ended, stone and quiet with some tears in my eyes.

The word Superman was recently tagged onto me by my cousin AY. Sure enough, with how I push myself, many people may be thinking I am trying to be Superman. The truth is, I allowed the pressure of "responsibility" got better of me. After all, even heroes have the right to bleed, the right to dream.

Many a time, we feel that with the responsibilities and roles we have in life, we often push ourselves to give the best, and most of the time neglecting the well-being of our ownselves. But the intention is sincere putting others above self without realising the damage it is creating. I withered and render myself hopeless.

Tina reminded me that I am a great person and it's not easy being me. That was reassuring. That evening she saved me from deterioriating further.

I am often misunderstood as complicated. In actual fact, I am not. I am just putting others before me. I derive my happiness from seeing my loved ones healthy safe and happy.

I am that plain simple.

But it's still not easy being me.

Tina has been and always be a great friend and today, she is happily married with two adorable boys.